Approximately two thousand years ago, a pellet of wisdom dropped into the foetid, heavy, squirming, gasping, bloody, bug-eyed, breast-beating, anguished, wrathful, greasy and inflamed world of Jewish-Oriental culture as a pearl might drop into a pail of sweat. Cut!
His name was Yeshua be Mirian, but history came to know him as Christ or Jesus. Sorry, sir, your face is familiar but just can't recall your name. Cut!
After a career as a maker of wooden farming implements, Yeshua (or Jesus) was moved to become an itinerant rabbi and kicked up a local fuss with his fanatical adherence to a philosophy of brotherly love. His strenth of character was incomparable, yet he was not the least bit original in his thought. In fact, he had only one real insight during his life (and even that one was commonplace in India and Tibet). When he came to understand that the Kingdom of Heaven is within, he lit up like a Christmas tree and illuminated Western civilization for twenty centuries. They nailed him up but they could't unplug him. Cut!
On a Michigan funny farm there are three inmates, each of whom believes he is Jesus Christ. They are all correct, of course, but when they believe they learned the secret - that everyone is divine if only he knows he is divine - they became confused and behaved in a manner that led them to the looney bin. Their culture hadn't prepared them for divine revelation. It hadn't even encouraged them to ask the only important question - 'Who am I' - let alone taught them to give the only logical reply. So when these three lower-middle-class working stiffs stumbled onto self-knowledge, they translated it into the absurd vision of the Sunday-school Superman, then wondered why they got locked up. Tough titty, boys. We prefer our God to be as singular as he is distant.CUT!
Jesus: Hey Dad.
God: Yes, son?
Jesus: Western civilization followed me home this morning. Can I keep it?
God: Certainly not, boy. And put it down this minute. You don't know where it's been.CUT!

Tom Robbins

I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. There were three cans of beer, most of a salami, a mouldering of old cheeses, half a tub of margarine, half a jar of marmelade, half a pint of milk and the head of Orpheus. "Loss !" it said. "That 's what she was to me, you know : she was the loss of her even when she was apparently the finding of her, the having of her. And I was the same to her, I was to her the loss of me. We were the two parts of a complementarity of loss, and that being so the loss was already an actuality in our finding of each other. From the moment that I first tasted the honey of Eurydice I tasted also the honey of the loss of her. What am I if not the quintessential, the brute artist? Is not all art a celebration of loss? From the very first moment that beauty appears to us it is passing, passing, not to be held."

Russell Hoban

Only You Can Save Mankind !

He'd died six times already. And it was only five o'clock.
His hands flew over the keyboard. Stars roared past as he accelerated out of the mÍleť. It'd leave him short of fuel, but by the time they caught up the shields would be back and he'd be ready, and two of them would already have taken damage, they come...missiles away, wow, lucky hit on the first one, die die die!, red fireball - swsssh - take shield loss while concentrating fire on the next one - swsssh - and now the last one was running, but he could outrun it, hit the accelerator - ggrrRRRRSSHHH - and just keep it in his sights while he poured shot after shot into - swsssh.
The huge bulk of their capital ship was in the corner of the screen. Level 10, here we come...careful, careful...there were no more ships now, so all he had to do was keep out of its range and then sweep in and We wish to talk.
Johnny blinked at the message on the screen.
We wish to talk.
The ship roared by - eeeyooowwwnn. He reached out for the throttle key and slowed himself down, and then turned and got the big red shape in his sights again.
We wish to talk
His finger hovered on the Fire button. Then, without really looking, he moved it over to the keyboard and pressed Pause.
Then he read the manual.
Only You Can Save Mankind, it said on the cover.
'Full Sound and Graphics. The Ultimate Game.'
A Scree Wee heavy cruiser, it said on page 17, could be taken out with seventy-six laser shots. Once you'd cleared the fighter escort and found a handy spot where the Scree Wee's guns couln't get you, it was just a matter of time.
We wish to talk
Even with the Pause on, the message still flashed on the screen.
There was nothing in the manual about messages.
Johnny riffled through the pages. It must be one of the New Features the game was Packed With.
He put down the book, put his hands on the keys and cautiously tapped out: Die, alien scum/
No! We do not wish to die! We wish to talk!
It wasn't supposed to be like this, was it?
Wobbler Johnson, who'd given him the disc and photocopied the manual on his dad's copier, had said that once you'd completed level 10 you got given an extra 10 000 points and the Scroll of Valour and moved on to the Arcturus Sector, where there were different ships and more of them.
Johnny wanted the Scroll of Valour.
Johnny fired the laser one more time. swsssh.He didn't really know why. It was just because you had the joystick and there was the Fire button and that was what it was for.
After all, there wasn't a Don't Fire button.
We Surrender! PLEASE! He reached over and, very carefully, pressed the Save Game button. The computer whirred and clicked, and then was silent.
He didn't play again the whole evening. He did his homework.

Terry Pratchett

"If we see God, when we get high, whaddaya reckon God sees when he gets high? People?"

Kathy Lette
grease monkeys (cicadas) feed & breed in diesel engines. It lives on emulsified fuel. They are wingless with short legs, designed for clinging. They were first identified in 1970 in Ecuador & has travelled 2000 miles in less than 20 years, by diesel lorry & train - mechanical migration.
How would dogs express their essential dogginess with inventions? Would they build space stations shaped like big bones that orbited the earth? Would they make movies of the moon and sit in drive-ins howling at the show?
Douglas Coupland
... when a ghost jumped into the water, the ghost didn't get wet, the water got ghostly.
Terry Pratchett
And it all meant this : that there are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do. A man who knew that, knew everything he needed to know about people.
Terry Pratchett
Although science may solve the problem of how the universe began, it cannot answer the question : Why does the universe bother to exist ?
Stephen Hawking
Obscurism: The practice of peppering daily life with obscure references (forgotton films, dead TV stars, unpopular books, defunct countries, etc.) as a subliminal means of showcasing both one's education and one's wish to disassociate from the world of mass culture.

Knee-Jerk Irony: The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflective matter of course in everyday conversation.

Survivulousness: The tendency to visualize oneself enjoying being the last remaining person on Earth. "I'd take a helicopter up and throw microwave ovens down on the Taco Bell."

Vaccinated Time Travel: To fantasize about travelling backward in time, but only with proper vaccinations.

Douglas Coupland

A puddle wakes up one morning and looks around at the hole it's seated in. The puddle is very content, in fact ecstatic. It thinks, "Wow, this hole is perfect. It's like it was made for me!" Then it slowly dries up.
Douglas Adams
Book of Pigeon: Verse 142 -
The coming of Long Distance Clara
1: Yea, in the day's of strife The Great Pigeon (a blessing on His feathers) came down from the skys.
2: For the residents were unhappy with their lot and offered a sacrafice of their Mr Men statues.
3: Yet the Pigeon (abohf) did calm them with these words...
4: "BOOH! I am the Great Pigeon of Pigeon Street and thou shalt worship no other pigeons but Me"
5: "In these times of troubles I will send you an emmisary so that you may know I am the one true Pigeon"
6: "Though the distance my chosen ones have traveled is great and their journey is far"
7: "So I send you 'Long Distance Clara' BOOH!"
8: And the people did rejoice in the streets and there was much swigging of fizzy pop and playing of badminton.
9: Lo! The Great Pigeon (abohf) did do a steaming turd on a freshly cleaned car.
10: And The Great Pigeon (abohf) saw the site and he saw the shite. And they were good.

Here endeth today's lesson.

Yoo Seung Jun - Yuhl Jung

Korean pop song, romanized by: Chrissy

Nae muh-ri-neun hahng-sahng nuh-reul geu-ryuh-(yo!)
Nae gah-seum-eun hahng-sahng nuh-reul boohl-luh-(yo!)
Nae juhn-booh-neun nae ahn-ae muh-moohl-luh eehs-uh
Nae muh-ri-neun hahng sahng nuh-reul geu-ryuh-(yo!)
Nae gah-seum-eun hahng-sahng nuh-reul boohl-luh-(yo!)
Nae juhn-booh-neun nae ahn-ae muh-moohl-luh eehs-uh
Nuh-ae mahm-sok boh-roh gyut-ae eehs-uh

Ee-jae nah! nae-gah mahl-hah-neun guhn ah-jooh kuh-dah-rahn
Nae gah-seum-geep-ee ohn mohm-eul geu-ruh-gae jah-ri-hahn nuh-rah-neun
Nae gyut-ae eehs-neun nahl bah-rah-boh-neun nuh-ae dae-hahn ee-ya-gi-ya
Na-ae mok-sori-ya nuhl hyang-hae nah-neun so-wun-hae
Geu-ruh-gae nah-neun wuhn-hae! Nahn nuh-reul wun-hae!
Geu-ruh-gae nah-neun nuh uhbs-een nahn uh-dooh-wuh-jin geu-ruhn shi-gahn sok-ae
Hae-mae-eel bboon duh ee-sahng-eun chahm-ji moht-hae

Nuh-reul hyang-hae geut-uhbs-ee sori-chuh booh-reu-neun
Nae gah-seum geep-eun sarang norae
Nae mah-eum-sok-ae hana-hana sae-gyuh-ji-neun
"Nuh"-rah-neun ee-reum-ahn-ae geu moh-deun guht
Uh-dduhn moh-seub-ee-rah hae-do
Nuh-wa hahm-ggae-rah-myun na-neun gi-bbeul soo eehs-uh
Ee-jae nuh-ae geu mah-eum-eul nae-gae yuhl-uh-jo

Ee sae-sahng-ae nah-ae nuh-bo-da
So-joong-hahn guhs-ee-rahn-guhn nae-gae eehs-eul soo uhbs-uh
Nuhl sarang-hae! Nuh-ae moh-deun-guhl nah yung-won-toh-rok
Geut-eul ahl soo uhbs-do-rok geut-eul hahl-soo ubs-do-rok

Geut-nah-gah-neun ee sae-gi-reul saram-deul-eun mahl-hah-ji
Sarang-mahn-euh-ro heem-deul-ji da sae-sahng-eun yae-gi-hah-ji
Ha-ji-mahn nahn byun-ha-ji geu-ruh-ji ahn-eul-tae-nee
Nae-gae-neun babo-deul-ae ee-ya-gi-neun sahng-gwan-ee uhbs-ji
Sae-sahng mah-ji-mak-doh oori-reul bah-ggoohl-soo uhbs-uh
Noo-goo-doh ah-moo-do juhl-dae-ro mak-eul soo uhbs-uh
Uh-dduhn geu moo-uht-doh nuhl dae-shin-hahl soo-ga uhbs-uh ahl-soo eehs-uh?

Nuh-reul hyang-hae yuh-juhn-hee muhm-chool soo-ga uhbs-neun
Nae gah-seum geep-eun goss-ae sarang norae
Uh-dduhn moh-seub-ee-rah hae-doh
Nuh-wa hahm-ggae-rah-myun heng-bok-hahl soo-ga eehs-uh
Nuh-mahn-ee nae juhn-booh-nee-ggah, na-reul meed-uh-jo

Ee sae-sahng-ae nah-ae nuh-bo-da
So-joong-hahn guhs-ee-rahn-guhn nae-gae eehs-eul soo uhbs-uh
Nuhl sarang-hae! Nuh-ae moh-deun-guhl nah yung-won-toh-rok
Geut-eul ahl soo uhbs-do-rok geut-eul hahl-soo ubs-do-rok

Sahl-ah-gah-myuh gyuk-uh-wahs-duhn nuh-ae seul-peun ee-byul yae-gi-deul
Ee-jehn uhbs-uh mah-ji-mak sarang-eel-tae-nee-ggah

Ee sae-sahng-ae nah-ae nuh-bo-da
So-joong-hahn guhs-ee-rahn-guhn nae-gae eehs-eul soo uhbs-uh
Nuhl sarang-hae! Nuh-ae moh-deun-guhl nah yung-won-toh-rok
Geut-eul ahl soo uhbs-do-rok geut-eul hahl-soo ubs-do-rok

(Ee sae-sahng-ae) I MIGHT TRY TO BE WITH YOU

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